Hello!! Here is a small glimpse into a week of daily life as an art student through an actual "diary" project I did for my thesis class in October 2021. I quote diary because I knew I had to turn it in, and someone would be reading it. However, I have only made a few changes to help reader comprehension and flow as it was a stream of consciousness entry every day. I hope you enjoy!
an artist in need of a reference using themself
Oct 13, 2021- Oct 19, 2021
Wednesday:
Had my favorite class! It felt like forever since our last group discussion and something stuck with me that I wish hadn’t, it has led to me holding my tongue in critiques and even other conversations. However, listening to the thoughts of others has actually been quite interesting and caused some self-reflection about dominating our little time. Though I don't like withholding my own opinions when useful, it is wiser to listen and learn. I still have yet to turn in the assignments, but across all of my classes this semester. Is there such a thing as too much studio time? I indulge myself.
In the actual studio - I bounced around the collection of works I’ve built adding brush strokes here and there without any truly exciting me until I ultimately brushed off an older work and fit it comfortably between the limbs of the easel. I sat down and as I ate it a knot developed in my throat, my heart began to ache, and my eyes prickled with tears. This work had never made me feel so much before, I was confused at first and attempted to channel my critical eye, but I could not see past my emotional wall. I sat there for a long time thinking and looking. The colors correspond to my story, the metaphors were drawn, but the spaces I had left for further development were what really held me. It was the unsaid, the still developing, the unknown. I hung it up for later when I could see clearly. Even now my eyes are preparing to spill.
I asked how to get the viewers to feel a fraction of what I was feeling - I’m still waiting for the answer.
Thursday:
Up and at 'em early, I had two paintings due.
Mistake 1- stopping at Starbucks for a slice of a loaf that's cold by the time they give me my coffee which I never finish anymore anyway. Saw a delicious looking drink with cream foam or something though, I want that next time!
I spent hours on a square textile painting referencing an Italian velvet. I vaguely and thinly washed some bright magenta on the blank canvas. Then mixed permanent rose, magenta, and a hint of Gamblin’s wonderful naphthol red to make a nice velvety color. To achieve a texture, I took my trusty wide filbert straight down the canvas. Some of the hairs like to keep close so I knew it would apply the paint thickly while also scraping it off, producing teeny tiny variations in depth allowing some of the magenta to show through. I was nervous to keep going but had to. I was actually able to create a design in it that I liked but to make any changes I had to “erase” back to the vertical pattern then try again which proved tedious. And to inconvenience myself more I started overcomplicating it, wanting to add more dimension and make it a more dynamic work- Mistake 2.I added lines to accentuate the curves, hints of a shadow, highlights in orange, white, and pink, most of which I had to “erase” and redo or tone down because it strayed too much from the reference.
Anyway, I did another one too, but it had more color and drama. Got some good feedback and some other feedback too, things to think about.
Then I was assigned a synesthesia project! Synesthesia is basically the intermingling of senses like tasting colors or seeing audio, the latter is the one I was focused on. I was so excited I began it right away! I only had a little time before my next class, but I was introduced to Nitrous by Joji and have been listening to it on repeat in order to get a feel. It’s really a departure from my usual work so I honestly don't know if it's good or bad right now but I’m still excited to find out!
Friday:
Started working in the woodshop Fridays so I come in early and get some studio time in.
I changed the vibe of a painting that was initially sweet and fantastical to something dark and dangerous and now I don't know what to do with it. I also keep forgetting to replenish my paints. For the most part, I just use primary colors, why choose second when you can have first? But seriously, I need more cadmium yellow light. The huge tubes have always seemed like a waste until I had a studio. Everyone gets a big tube of white obviously, but I very recently just got my first 200ml of Prussian blue!! I was running through too many of the 36ml bottles, so it just made sense and now it is significantly more liberal and apparent in my work. I think I should do the same for yellow.
I used to think yellow was so sunny and happy but recently it feels sad. Someone asked me yesterday what my favorite color was, and I didn't have a great answer for them. It used to be yellow, but I think it's brown now. I have always had a special place in my heart for pale pink, but it feels like childhood and honestly van be a bit embarrassing sometimes depending on my mood and setting. Especially as an artist, but it is still a guilty pleasure.
Saturday:
It’s rainy and cold, the worst weather for a Saturday - or ever. I haven’t gone into the studio today; I need to get more paints and I want more canvases. I have some raw canvas tarp from Home Depot but I’m nervous, the excited kind. I haven’t built a canvas since high school, and I want to do it well. I’m thinkingggg that I can make stretchers in the woodshop which will be nice. I just need to get some wood in the right sizes. The canvases I bought were 4’x15’ and a 5’ square.
Sunday:
I was sooooo close to the art supply today, but I forgot. I’d say I can go tomorrow but they have such weird hours. I didn't go to the studio either, but I’m finally going to submit my reflections on how artists write their diaries(hopefully). Such a personal thing to publish, it’s quite brave. Just my regular writings are scary to share for me, it’s definitely too intimate for strangers, even lovers sometimes.
One of my professors made a comment that it was unfortunate an artist she liked didn't produce many writings, immediately that sparked my interest. I first disagreed, as I prefer not to share my own writings but just create art in order to communicate. It's more obscure and up for interpretation. I enjoy that distance where there isn't a straight line between the specific feelings and meanings intended by me and the ones gleaned from the viewer. I am working on honing an overall mood, but I LOVE to hear all of the different things people see. It’s one of my favorite things about being an artist. It feels safe to be vulnerable and communicate how I feel and think through art, without saying a word. Words are much too clear but yet can never really say everything, 90% of communication is nonverbal after all. Sometimes people see in my work things I didn’t know I need to see or hear; the outside perspective is so telling. Half the time, when people understand and respond to my work, they have unknowingly given me solace or lifted my spirits, made me feel validated and seen, relatable, and valued. Sometimes they can help me figure out how to communicate more clearly as well and strengthen my practice with only their passing comments. The other half of the time people see what they want to and give me insight into projections of themselves or of how they view me which is also good to know and sometimes inevitable in conversation. I welcome both.
On my later reflection of her comment, I thought how sweet that was. I have been a fan of things before and I finally connected: of course, an admirer will want to soak up every drop they can of their inspiration, feel they know it inside and out. It got me to thinking, yes, I can leave interpretation to the viewer, but I can also leave some nuggets in case people are curious, it doesn't need to be mutually exclusive. A passerby may only admire the surface, but a true lover of my work will see the surface and want to dive in. One day my works will be history and I will be long gone. Who better to tell my story than me? I have diaries and notes from the time I could pick up a pencil. But I still have time as well and would like to publish a fuller picture. I always do my best to experience life like I will die tomorrow but keep my privacy like I will live forever. Sometimes I ponder that and want to be more open and vulnerable, but I am too wary and have people that may not be able to handle. Plus, I have seen firsthand how people feast on the open and vulnerable. Anyway, if someone ever loves my work so much that they want to absorb all I have to give, it becomes my duty to give all I have.
I’ll miss this when the project it’s over.
Monday:
I’ve been working on a mock proposal and actually became really excited about the project. I think I may pursue it after I graduate. It will take tons of time and resources though. Basically, it's a room collection installation that takes you through life, from the present into the future engaging all of the senses using sound, light, taste, aroma, and texture.
Otherwise, I have slowly but surely been catching up in my classes which is encouraging.
Tuesday:
I did not get new paints. I did not go to the studio. I did look at the commission in my living room again, I can’t wait to finish it yet every time I want to work on it my paints are in the studio! This guy is being very patient. Next time I message him I want it to be done. It’s a 72"x 48" mostly impasto oil cover of a woman. A beautiful painting, not exactly my style though it has since bled into my work. I found out a lot of different applications that work to communicate things like bubbles, piling, sharpness, warmth, weight, and more.
Thank you so much for reading! This project was therapeutic and encouraged me to do more every day so I may revisit this. Upon reading it again, I even had some realizations about myself. On another note, does anyone know a caramel drink at Starbucks that has a sweet cream foam? I went back and asked but the barista just looked at me like I was crazy and kept asking me what it was called.
Thank you so much for reading! I really appreciate it and if you enjoyed, please leave a like or comment and share! I'm happy to answer any questions you may have as well!
Alta Koer Art Production
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